6/27/2011
I had so many ideas when I decided to start writing again, and now that I have, my words have retreated like turtles to their shells. Little concepts that were about to blossom and dance across the screen have suddenly gotten stage fright at the thought of an imaginary audience. Stories begging to be told have decided that they were only being bombastic, and would rather stay out of the spotlight and mind their own business.
I’ve been thinking a lot about getting older. I’ve been wondering where the time has gone, and that in and of itself has made me realize that I’m much older than I used to be. Adulthood is an interesting concept. In youth, we are always racing towards the next big birthday, always waiting for that next big milestone. We want the freedom, the adventure. We want the world to open up to us like an open highway. We want to press the gas pedal to the floor and see what lies ahead.
And yet, responsibility seeps into our pores. When adventure offers an invitation, responsibility is there with a “might I interject?” before we can accept. Just as we are about to find out just how far the speedometer can go, responsibility looms up like a speed bump in the road, ready to make us slow down of our own accord or risk damaging our vehicles.
Slowly, we trade the reckless abandonment of youth for calculated risk. We look back at the things we did in the past and wonder how we could have been so stupid. And yet, I wonder if there is something to that stupidity. Perhaps it is less youthful idiocy, and simply a lack of learned fear. There is a reason that we learn new skills more easily as children. Living in Hawaii, I have seen 6 year olds surf like professionals, and I can’t help but admire their lack of fear. They don’t see the wipeout, they see the glorious ride. I guess that’s what I’ve been lacking lately. I want to see the potential adventure, rather than the pitfalls and dangers along the way.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will start letting my fears go just a little bit. Remember what it feels like to jump off a fence holding an umbrella, thinking that I can fly like Mary Poppins. Tomorrow, I will start a list of all the things I want to do before I die. And tomorrow, I will start thinking of the ways I can make each thing on that list happen.